


Bohemian Life

by R00bs_Teacup



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drunkenness, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 17:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6816133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R00bs_Teacup/pseuds/R00bs_Teacup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I found another complete fic in my cloud. They are drunk, Arthur won't come out of the loo, they are drunk. Basically, they are drunk. Not much more to it :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bohemian Life

**Author's Note:**

> from tfln http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-61147.html

Gwaine walks into the loos, rather pleased with the way the blue-lit walls whisk away under his finger-tips, and then freezes. Merlin’s already there! Gwaine goes to hug him, but Merlin shoves him off, glaring at the door of the stall closest to him. Gwaine peers at it, wondering what the door did to Merlin.

“Didja walk inta it?” Gwaine guesses.

“No, I did not,” Merlin say, snappy and bad tempered, “he won’t come out. Again.”

“Who won’t? Someone stuck in there?” Gwaine bangs on the door and yodels in a jolly manner to cheer up the poor guy stuck in the loo.

“No one is stuck, Arthur is crouched on the loo seat and pretending not to be in there and not coming out. Again.”

“How do you know it’s him? Arthur?!” Gwaine knocks again.

“He keeps giggling. Listen to this. Hey, Arthur? Remember the time when Gwen was five and stuck a pickle up Morgana’s nose?”

They both pause to listen. Sure enough, the sound of Arthur’s distinctive, snorting giggles comes from behind the closed door. Gwaine nods seriously.

“He’s in there alright. And he won’t come out?”

“Nope.”

“Have you tried…” Gwaine leans closer to whisper it, “you know what?”

“No! I refuse to do that again!”

Gwaine shrugs.

“I could try, but he says it’s like someone’s gutting a cat and last time I did he tried to climb out the window in there and got stuck half way out and we had to get Percy to give his fat arse a shove.”

A quiet, plaintive ‘hey’ greets the accusation of fatness, but then all goes silent again.

“Fine. Fine! Last time, though, Arthur. Do you hear? Next time I’m leaving you in here!”

Gwaine beams. Merlin will do no such thing. He always gets Arthur out.

“Gwaine,” Merlin says, eyeing him, “Go stand guard.”

Gwaine goes to peak out of the door but stays inside. He wants to listen. Merlin sighs, ever so put upon, but then clears his throat. Another set of giggle squirms out of the cubical and Merlin glares at the door as if he’s trying to set it on fire.

“Is this the real life, or is this just fantasy,” Merlin begins, voice wavering trying to keep quiet, “caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.”

A faintly echoed ‘reality’ comes from behind the door and Gwaine chuckles. Arthur can’t help himself, he can never help himself. By the time Merlin reaches ‘little high, little low, anyway the wind blows’, he pauses for breath and Arthur fills in the next bit. By the time Merlin gets to the second ‘Mamma’ Arthur’s singing quietly along. By the time he gets to ‘thunder and lightening, very very frightening’ Arthur’s almost drowning him out, roaring happily a few notes behind Merlin.

On the third ‘bismillah!’ Arthur bursts from the cubical, throwing his arms wide, singing loudly, and starts dancing around the room. Merlin stops singing. Arthur carries on for a few bars and then blinks accusatorily at Merlin, glaring, waving a hand to encourage him to continue.

“Oh come on,” Merlin says, “please no.”

Arthur makes a dash for the cubical but Gwaine intercepts, getting him in a big hug, and they tussle for a bit, Gwiane nudging and stumbling until they’re out of the bathroom and Arthur’s laughing into his neck, breath quick and hot on his skin, lips against his jaw.

“Hello, you tosser,” Arthur says.

“Lovely,” Gwaine says, leaning back so he can kiss Arthur.

He tastes of cigarettes and gin, which explains the ‘locking himself in the loos’ thing. Speaking of loos.

“Come on, Arthur, go with Merlin. He’s going to take you somewhere lovely,” Gwaine says, shoving Arthur into Merlin’s waiting arms.

“Somewhere lovely?” Arthur says, hopefully, putting his hand trustingly into Merlin’s.

“Yes. Somewhere really, really lovely. Gwaine, are you coming?”

“Need to piss,” Gwaine says, jigging slightly on the spot from holding it a bit long.

“We’ll head to HQ, okay?”

Gwaine nods and runs back into the loos to relieve himself, getting his zipper down on the way so he doesn’t piss himself. He regrets breaking the golden seal, but then again at least he didn’t wait so long that a sneeze made him wet himself. That happened to Merlin, once. Luckily they were at home and it had been hilarious instead of mortifying.

“Hey, Gwaine!”

Gwaine turns, forgetting he’s in the middle of a piss, and quickly turns back to the urinal before he gets wee everywhere.

“Hi,” Gwaine says, “who’s it? I’m havin’ a waz.”

“So you are, so you are. It’s me.”

“Who’s me?”

“Arthur.”

Gwaine turns his head. Arthur’s sidled up really close and is examining his cock. Gwaine watches as Arthur reaches out to touch and gets his hand weed on.

“Hey!” Arthur says, “you got me wet!”

Gwaine finishes up and tucks himself in, taking Arthur over to the sinks to clean him up. Luckily it didn’t get his clothes, just his hand, so it’s clean-able.

“Did you escape from Merlin?”

“Yup. He was going to take me to bed!”

“You worked out ‘HQ’, huh? Our code has been broken.”

“I did. I’m very clever, you know.”

“I do know,” Gwaine says, feeling fond.

He takes Arthur’s elbow and steers him out of the loos. Merlin’s leaning on the wall outside, looking irritated.

“Gwaine weed on me,” Arthur says, cheerfully, going to hold Merlin’s hand again.

Suddenly he lets out a jaw cracking yawn and leans into Merlin, eyes closing.

“Oh, no,” Merlin says, “no, wake up. Not yet, no yet. My god, you are a useless, awful, horrible drunk. Come on, Gwaine, quick, before he’s completely out.”

They take one side each and heave Arthur out of the club. Once outside Gwaine starts up a chorus of Bohemian Rhapsody again to keep Arthur from dozing off on his feet (it’s happened; he walked into a lamppost) and Arthur tries to drown him out. When they reach the residential area of town Merlin quiets them both and they sneak through to their caul-di-sac, Arthur giggling. Merlin pauses by their door and takes a deep breath, then shoves Arthur off balance into Gwaine and runs to get the lock, Gwaine already heaving Arthur onwards.

“Made it!” Merlin says, stumbling inside and holding the door for them, “bedroom.”

They get Arthur into the bedroom and he collapses, shoes, bag, coat, hat and all, onto the bed. Gwaine declothes while Merlin fetches them water and hangover supplies and locks up. Arthur curls into the pillows and starts to cry when he’s down to his boxers and Gwaine sighs, stripping himself.

“Oh,” Merlin says, coming in, kicking off his shoes and shimmying out of his jeans, “he didn’t fall asleep?”

“Nope,” Gwaine says, getting onto the bed next to Arthur and pulling him into his arms.

He wriggles them around so Merlin can get the covers out from under them and then Merlin settles on Arthur’s other side, and Arthur’s squished in the middle of one of their epic hugs. He sighs, breath wavering, and then lets out a sob.

“I’m… just… so… sad!” he says, pitiful, almost a wail.

“I know, baby,” Merlin says, “I know. It’s the gin.”

“Stupid… gin!”

“Yeah,” Gwaine agrees, grinning at Merlin over Arthur’s hair, “stupid gin. It’s okay to be sad, sometimes, right, Merlin?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Merlin says, grinning back, “see, we’re here to hug you until you feel better.”

“I… miss… Leon.”

Merlin frowns and raises an eyebrow, but Gwaine shakes his head. He has no idea what that’s about.

“Uh, he lives just down the road, mate,” Merlin says.

“I… want… you to call me baby!”

“Sorry, baby,” Merlin murmurs, nuzzling closer into Arthur’s neck, giving him a kiss.

“How come you miss Leon, of all people? We saw him yesterday,” Gwaine says.

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot," Arthur says, going from crying to laughing in a moment. 

"Alright, baby?" Merlin asks, stifling his own amusement. 

"Mm," Arthur says, snuggling down between them. 

He's asleep within seconds, snoring loudly. Gwaine laughs, burying his face in Arthur's hair to quiet himself. When he looks up Merlin's grinning at him, eyes very bright. Gwaine gets up on an elbow and flops over Arthur to get himself a kiss. He falls asleep like that, half on top of Arthur, half on top of Merlin.


End file.
